Isa Lee 

#ISAIZM

Photography by Ebony Boadu

Edited by Olivia Suleimon

"I'm meant to carry this child but I'm not meant to be her mother."

"I still get days when I'm like,

'No, I can't give my baby away.'

But then I think,

'This child is going to an amazing home. It's going to be so loved. It doesn't even know how much love it's going to receive,' 

and that's what really warms my heart when I'm having really down days."

"There are couples out there who say,

'Yeah, we're ready for a baby. We're prepared for it.' 

No one really is ever ready for a kid. As much as you read about how you're going to care for your child, until the child is here, all these questions just pop up, like, how am I going to provide for this child and because I'm a single mother and I came into my first pregnancy with no support from her father. I came from being the most confident person to kind of being like,

'Holy shit. I can't do this.'

We have all these ideas of what a mum is and then you are suddenly that. You're like,

'Am I that?'

 So, being a mum, you battle with boosting your self confidence every day and waking up every morning telling yourself 'you've got this.'"

"People don't talk about post natal depression as openly as they should. It's something that no one ever discusses but I'm very open as to mine.   

When I would have my dark days, I would honestly just cry uncontrollably, without any reason, that's what post natal depression is, you know? Because you've taken on another life and you haven't fully grasped that so, everything just becomes overwhelming and even the tiniest things can set you off like heating her bottle in the microwave and then it's like,

'Oh my god. I'm heating a bottle for my child. I actually have a child to look after.'

I think more so for the young mums, a lot of them think that they've given up everything. I guess it's all about the support system. I'm very lucky that I have a huge family who, whenever I want to go out or whatever, they're always there putting their hand out to take my daughter and stuff."

"I have written her a letter explaining everything and I've already sent it to her [to be parents] and I go,

'This is for her, when she wants, if she wants to know and if you guys ever want to tell her.'

"When I made the decision to adopt, everyone was like,

'Isa, come on. It's you. You've got your shit together. You can do this. You can raise two kids,'

and I was like,

'No, I can't. Not this time.'

I stepped back and I was like,

I really can't. I have enough on my plate. I'm not going to be that person who is just always going to say yes, yes I can do this because sometimes I can't.

Unfortunately, if you can't handle the fact that I can't, I can't. It was a huge decision to make but, I'm so content with it and I'm happy.